


Stark Household Rule #37: No Mythbusters While Pepper Is Gone

by Illusinia



Series: Darcy Stark Series [12]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Dad!Tony, Gen, Mythbusters - Freeform, Stark Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-19
Updated: 2015-11-19
Packaged: 2018-05-02 09:19:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5242937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Illusinia/pseuds/Illusinia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pepper goes on vacation. She will never do that again without hiring a babysitter or activating the parental controls on every cable box in the house.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stark Household Rule #37: No Mythbusters While Pepper Is Gone

**Author's Note:**

> So, it's been forever since I posted for this series. Even though it's rare that I'm posting in it right now, this is still an active series and, when I started watching Mythbusters again, I couldn't resist writing this.

Pepper looked worriedly around the house again before looking back at Darcy and Tony once more. “Are you two sure about this?”

“We'll be fine, Mom,” repeated Darcy for what was the 34 time that day (she'd been keeping count because, really, Pepper had been saying the same thing for the past week; really, she'd been saying it since Tony had told her that she was going on vacation and he wasn't giving her a choice- the Bahama's would do her some good.)

Huffing a slight sigh, Pepper nodded reluctantly and glanced at Tony. He offered her back a reassuring smile. “We'll be fine, Pep. You've gotta relax, go lay on the beach and sun yourself. Enjoy the ocean, have some fun.”

The worried disbelief in Pepper's eyes probably should have been insulting, except that it was well founded as they all knew. “Alright, alright. I'll try not to worry.”

“Good,” stated both Tony and Darcy, giving her identical 'finally' looks.

“Seriously Mom, you need to relax,” insisted Darcy. “I mean, I'm 10 and Dad isn't completely oblivious. We'll be okay for a week.”

“Yeah Pep,” pipped in Tony. “Seriously, I've given the car people orders for when you land. A fancy drink with an umbrella and a lot of alcohol and a straight shot to your hotel. Soon as you check in, they're gonna get you a room service order and send up a masseuse. Male and hot were my specifications.”

“Tony,” groaned Pepper, “are you trying to talk me out of this?”

Before Tony could answer, Darcy threw her hand over her father's mouth. “He's joking, Mom. I made the reservations and stole his credit card to do it.”

Pepper chuckled a bit, nodding. “Smart girl.”

“Gotta learn some time,” pointed out Darcy with a grin. Of course, Tony wouldn't really care if Darcy ever did really steal his credit card. He had more money than he could probably spend in a life time; she could over-charge every card he had and he wouldn't care. “Figured I'd do it before I was a teenager. I can even forge his signature! Ew!” Darcy's exclamation was accompanied by her jumping away from her father and wiping her hand on her jeans. “Dad! That's gross!”

“Tony, did you just lick Darcy's hand?” asked Pepper, one hand rising to rub her temple.

“She shouldn't have put it over my mouth,” argued Tony with a shrug.

“Next time I'll use a sock,” grumbled Darcy, shaking her head as she finished wiping her hand and folded her arms while sticking out her tongue at her father.

It made Pepper smile how similar the two could be at times. “Darcy, Tony, behave. Otherwise I'm staying home.”

“Yes Mom,” agreed Darcy, quickly straightening into the picture of innocence that she wasn't.

Tony just gave her his most charming grin. “You know you love us.”

“I do,” agreed Pepper, smiling at them both. “Which is why I'm wondering if leaving for a week is smart.”

Groaning, Tony stepped forward and rested both his hands on her shoulders. “Pepper, I promise, we'll be good. No wild parties, no strippers, and the house will still be standing and in one piece when you get back. Jarvis will help, right Jarvis?”

“I have already blocked the number for every known strip club and exotic dancing location in the states as well as several numbers suspected of being linked with either prostitution or stripping,” informed Jarvis in his usual calm tones. “All individuals entering the premises will be required to have all standard skin covered. The house limit has been set to a maximum of five adults.”

It was moments like this that Pepper loved Jarvis. Seriously, if he was a real person, she would kiss him. “Thank you, Jarvis.”

“My pleasure, Pepper,” replied Jarvis.

“See mom? We've got this,” repeated Darcy, waving a hand around in a gesture that encompassed the room. “Just go relax! Happy's been waiting for you for the past twenty minutes! We'd come with you to the airport, but we're both afraid you won't leave if we do.”

“I'm more worried your father will drag you on a plane to some foreign country without me,” muttered Pepper. “With his tendency to attract trouble, you'd probably end up sitting in jail for the entire week I'm gone.”

“That, too,” agreed Darcy, still grinning at her mom. “Now go!”

“Alright, I'm going,” sighed Pepper, opening her arms to Darcy. Her daughter stepped easily into the embrace, squeezing her mom tightly in response. “Be good Darcy, and keep an eye on your father. Listen to Jarvis and Happy.”

“Yes, Mom,” agreed Darcy, releasing her mother and stepping back. 

Pepper then turned to Tony, who pulled her into a hug before she could argue. His voice was serious though as he murmured in her ear. “Promise you'll relax, Pep. This isn't the first time you've left Darcy alone with me; we'll be fine.”

“Alright,” whispered back Pepper, hugging the genius before she stepped away to look between the two members of her family again. “I've left a weeks’ worth of frozen meals in the freezer, Darcy. I expect three quarters of them to be gone when I come back. Tony,” she turned her eyes specifically on the genius. “Sleep, eat, and don't blow yourself up.”

“Got it, Pep,” confirmed Tony, saluting her jokingly. “Now go before Happy gets the rope. I gave him permission to tie you up if necessary.”

Rolling her eyes and knowing Tony was serious (even if Happy wouldn't actually do it), Pepper grabbed her bag and turned to the front doors. “Be careful you two.” Knowing if she delayed longer, Tony would likely throw her in the car himself, Pepper stepped out the front door and headed towards the limo with her bag in tow.

“Have fun, Mom!” exclaimed Darcy, walking to the door and waving at Pepper.

Pepper waved back before sliding into the back seat as Happy put her bag in the trunk. Once the door was shut, she closed her eyes and attempted to relax. It was a week and Tony was right: she had left for a week before. Everything would be fine. He really was much better about sleeping, eating, and in general taking care of himself when he needed to take care of Darcy too. With that, she forced her mind to stop worrying and focused on what she would do once she reached the Bahamas.

\-------------------------- 

Tony stretched as he stood up from his workbench. He'd gone downstairs shortly after Pepper had left to get some work done and Darcy had started in on some research she was doing. She wouldn't tell him what it was about, just said it was a new design she wanted to try out. He'd reminded her that his workshop was open if she needed anything.

Glancing at the clock, he noted the time and headed for the stairs. It was almost five and he wanted to start the first day Pepper was gone off right. That meant getting dinner ready. He'd been banned from cooking years ago, but he could still cook one of the things Pepper had left. Just throw it in the oven and set a timer. It couldn't be that hard.

Heading into the living room, Tony rolled his shoulders only to pause when he heard a shout and an explosion from the TV. Sure enough, smoke was rising on the screen and some guy was jumping around like a loon, cheering. A laugh rose from the couch as the man crowed happily away.

Shaking his head, Tony changed directions and leaned on the back of the couch to glance down at his daughter. “Does your mom know you watch this?”

The ten-year-old just blinked up at him and shrugged. “What? It's scientific.”

Tony snorted. “I have been trying to convince Pepper that explosions are scientific for years.”

“It's not just explosions,” dismissed Darcy, sitting up ant pointing at the screen. “See, these guys are called 'The Mythbusters'. They literally take myths people send in and then test them to see if they're possible or not.”

“Myths?” repeated Tony uncertainly, giving his daughter a raised eyebrow. “Aren't myths, myths because no one can prove them?”

“Exactly,” confirmed Darcy. “So they basically prove or disprove myths by building crazy stuff to test it.”

“And blowing things up,” added Tony, eyes rising back to the TV as the guy who'd been jumping around caused yet another explosion.

“Mhm,” hummed Darcy, gesturing to the guy. “They're special effects experts and they use science to prove or disprove what people believe. Like 'can you make a gas station explode by talking on your cellphone while pumping gas?'. You can't, by the way. It's static electricity that does it, not the cellphone. They actually proved getting in and out of your car is more likely to cause an explosion.”

“Huh,” remarked Tony as he finally stepped around the couch and dropped into a chair beside it as another explosion went off. “Okay, that was intentional unless they're working with the stuff we do.”

“Sometimes they intentionally blow things up,” explained Darcy with a grin. “Like if something doesn't blow up the way they want, they'll find a way to make it blow up.”

Tony nodded as the guy on screen began cheering like a lunatic again. “I was gonna make dinner. Wanna order pizza instead?”

“Sure,” agreed Darcy, grinning as she pulled out her phone and hit the speed dial number for their favorite pizza place. “Pepperoni?”

“Yeah,” confirmed Tony in a distracted voice, though he snapped back a moment later. “And add some vegetables. You know what your mom is always saying about that.”

“Right,” laughed Darcy before she switched her attention to the phone. “Hey, can I get a large pizza with Pepperoni? And add some tomatoes and olives too, please.” She paused then and glanced at Tony. “Olives are vegetables, right?”

“That's the argument I use for why martini's count as a vegetable,” agreed Tony, pausing before adding: “Well, for adults they do.”

Darcy just rolled her eyes and turned back to the phone to finish placing their order. She finished just as the next episode began. “25 minutes.”

“Please, don't try anything you see here at home,” requested Adam as the opening credits for the next episode began to roll.

“We're professionals,” added Jamie, nodding sagely as if that was somehow law.

Tony bristled a bit. “Now that's just daring us to try this sh- stuff.”

Darcy chuckled a little and tapped a list she had on the table in front of her. “Trust me Dad, I've been making a list of the stuff they do that I wanna try. With our resources, I bet we could do even better than them!”

“Damn right,” muttered Tony, picking up the list to examine it. “I've got a video camera so we can record it all, too.”

“Maybe we could even send them the tapes!” exclaimed Darcy, her eyes going wide at the thought of sharing experiments with others. It made Tony proud.

“Maybe we could go visit their workshop,” suggested Tony, looking up from her list. The hopeful, excited look that crossed Darcy's face was the best thing he'd ever seen. 

She practically bounced in her seat as she shifted around in excitement. “Really dad?”

“Really,” confirmed Tony with a smirk, setting the list back on the table and leaning back to settle into the couch. “But tonight? We're gonna watch your marathon. We'll look into visiting their workshop tomorrow.”

“Alright dad,” agreed Darcy with a fake put-upon sigh. “Besides, we've got a pizza coming and I wanna watch these guys blow more stuff up. There aren't too many shows where you can watch grown men blow up a dump truck for science.”

\-------------------- 

Climbing from the car, Pepper turned to the driver she’d hired to pick her up from the airport and offered him a stack of bills. It was Happy’s day off and she wasn’t going to disturb that just to get a ride back from the airport. Though she had to admit she was far more relaxed than she had been before, a day’s worth of travel and a week away from home had made her crave her own bed and time with her daughter. At this point, she just wanted to get inside, give Darcy a hug, and maybe sit down with both Darcy and Tony for a bit to hear about everything that happened while she was gone.

The cab driver was offering her change when the sound of an explosion suddenly broke the otherwise peaceful air of the Malibu evening. Pepper didn’t even bother to take her change, just abandoned her bags by the stairs and bolted into the house.

“Hello Pepper!” greeted Jarvis as Pepper dashed through the halls towards the level where Tony’s lab was kept. “Did you have a good trip?”

“Jarvis!” exclaimed Pepper, pausing outside Tony’s workshop long enough to confirm it was dark before running back upstairs. “Where are Darcy and Tony?”

“In the backyard,” informed Jarvis, his robotic voice almost a touch confused. “They have spent most of your trip in the yard experimenting with various myths and theories.”

Pepper felt like the word ‘myth’ might be an important part of the explanation over what was happening, but at the moment she didn’t really care why something had blown up so much that everyone was okay. Tony and Darcy usually managed to avoid hurting themselves when they blew things up somehow, but that wasn’t a guarantee and the yard wasn’t equipped to handle those kinds of forces, either.

Bursting into the backyard, Pepper felt her jaw drop at the sight that lay before her. She was never leaving Darcy and Tony home alone again.

The yard was gone. Well, it wasn’t gone so much as it now resembled a junkyard. None of the grass that was originally visible appeared to still be alive, the sparse furniture that had been set up beside the pool had either disappeared or been buried beneath what appeared to be parts, and the pool was just an empty hole in the ground. In place of all of this were towering stacks of what appeared to be various appliances, several of which she recognized as having once been inside the house.

“Mom!” Darcy’s sudden shout drew Pepper’s attention down to where the brunette little girl was poking out from under a car. “You’re home!”

“Yes, I am,” confirmed Pepper, her eyes sweeping the grounds for some sign of Tony. “Where’s your father?”

“Dad was somewhere between the dryer and the pile of kitchen appliance casings last I saw him,” stated Darcy as she shimmied out from beneath the car and approached Pepper. “Also, speaking of, we need to discussing recycling. I was thinking-”

“Darcy, please hold that thought until I find your father,” requested Pepper idly as she scanned the lawn in search of Tony. She spotted him half a second later when his mop of unruly hair suddenly popped up from behind something that might have at one point been an oven. Or a really big dishwasher.

“Hey Darce, I think we need more power to get this thing going,” remarked Tony as he climbed over the unknown former appliance and approached, pausing when he spotted Pepper. “Hey Pep, I didn’t know you got back today.”

“It’s the 10th, Tony,” stated Pepper with a relieved sigh.

“Really?” asked Tony, balking a little with a furrowed brow. “Already?” Pausing, he then glanced over at Darcy with a curious look. “Hey Darce, did you go to school today?”

“While you were napping in the empty pool,” confirmed Darcy as she suddenly began digging through a pile of parts. “And yes, my homework is done. I did it on the way back from school.”

“All of it?” prodded Pepper automatically, even though she knew the answer was yes. That was the thing about having a genius daughter- Darcy could finish her homework without batting an eye before most people even started reading the assignment.

“Yep,” confirmed Darcy, yanking a motor from the parts stack suddenly and flipping it around in her hands. “Hey Dad, I think this motor might work. Well,” she gave the piece of machinery another look-over before shrugging and heading towards her father, “we can at least salvage parts from it to build a bigger motor.”

Shaking her head and vowing not to ask, Pepper started to turn towards the house again. Now that she at least knew everyone was safe, she could breathe a little bit. Or at least she thought she could right up until she spotted a very familiar appliance situated in the midst of the chaos that had once been the back yard. In particular, it was an appliance that should have been in the house and had no business being in the back yard for any reason. And yet it was and it appeared more than a little worse for wear.

With carefully controlled frustration, Pepper turned back towards Tony and Darcy, who currently appeared to be arguing about how to build a bigger engine from salvaged parts. “Tony, why is the washing machine in the back yard?”

Darcy didn’t even turn towards Pepper as she pipped up with a response as Tony began digging around on the ground for something. “Super washer.”

For a moment, Pepper just tried to wrap her mind around that response. However, nothing she could think of even remotely made the simultaneously cryptic and blunt statement make any sense. Suppressing a resigned sigh, Pepper crossed her arms and levelled a look at the two genius’. “Alright, I'll ask. Why?”

“Because we can,” stated Tony as he straightened up again, waving a wrench around slightly. “It’s for science.”

“Don't put anything delicate in there,” advised Darcy as she snatched the tool from Tony and began tearing apart the motor she’d fished out earlier. “It shredded my work jeans. And dad's heavy duty towels. And the canvas tarp we use to collect grease.”

“I turned it into a paper shredder after it ate the tarp,” remarked Tony as he began digging through a separate pile of parts that Pepper realized rather quickly consisted entirely of wheels and belt drives.

Darcy paused in taking apart her motor at her father’s remark, blinking up at him curiously. “Did you put blades in it already?”

“Not yet,” replied Tony, fishing out a long rod and a couple of wheels from the pile in front of him. “I want to test it hooked up to a jet engine first. That’s the kind of thing you don’t want to do to something that has sharp objects inside.”

“Being torn apart by flying pieces of metal does sound unpleasant,” agreed Darcy sarcastically as she returned her focus to her motor.

With a groan, Pepper resigned herself to the fact she would need to spent the afternoon repairing the damage her two genius’ had most likely caused to the house. Turning back towards the structure, she tossed over her shoulder as she headed inside: “I am never leaving you two home alone again. Even for an hour. Ever.”

\--------------------------------------- 

Sadly, Pepper was forced to break her oath to never leave Tony and Darcy home alone again three months later. However, before she left, she made sure the appliances were bolted down, Mythbuster’s was blocked on all channels, and Fury was left behind to babysit. Suffice to say, she didn’t come home to a mostly destroyed backyard. The house, unfortunately, was another matter.


End file.
